The funny thing is this is just a garden variety sports bar near my mom’s house

But there are still enough rednecks to  warrant that sign.

So I left TGIFridays for a classier joint……

So I left TGIFridays for a classier joint……

I won’t bore y’all with details but I had either a first ever asthma attack OR viral bronchitis over the last two weeks

But here’s the funny part: I went to a new doctor today for a followup, and she was like, “based on your history, its not asthma.” She went on to say “asthma isn’t something you want on your record if you don’t truly have it, it could impede future employment, like if you want to join the military.”

Lol lady, I’m a 35 year old woman who is probably at LEAST 15 lbs overweight, whose military would I be joining, exactly?? I dunno, it cracked me up!

The extent of the political dialogue my mother and I are legally allowed to have

  • <p dir="ltr"> Mom [out of fucking left field, mind you, politics weren't even being discussed]: Who are you voting for in the governor's race?<br>
  • Me [taken aback and knowing this was an antagonistic question]: Uh........ Davis.<br>
  • Mom [sniffs]: Well. I guess our votes will cancel each other out. </p>

If I close my eyes I can pretend I’m drinking these $3 Long Islands at a TGIFridays at the airport and that I’m flying somewhere fabulous, instead of at the TGIFridays in the way WAY suburbs of Ft Worth

Hahaha j/k, there are no $3 drinks at the airport, ever!

I seriously don&#8217;t know why its so blurry.

I seriously don’t know why its so blurry.

Moving target. Terrible subject(s).

Moving target. Terrible subject(s).

I was trying to grab his stick (not a euphemism) so he&#8217;s trying to eat my hair. Also I went jogging and look like ass, please to excuse.

I was trying to grab his stick (not a euphemism) so he’s trying to eat my hair. Also I went jogging and look like ass, please to excuse.

Tags: walter!

Its like I’m married to a goddamn sorority girl

It feels like we can’t go a week without one of his Marine buddies requesting his presence at or involvement in a wedding. Today’s invitation comes from a guy for whom we already spent a pantload on his FIRST marriage, in Canada, at a time when we definitely couldn’t afford it, and the marriage lasted roughly a year. He’s doing it again in December, in Vegas, to his baby momma, so maybe this one will stick? I dunno. What I do know is that its over D’s birthday weekend in December, and since its so loosely formulated, I’ve already invited her. To the weekend at least, not the ceremony. I’m not that much of a dick.

I should mention that I have an $8 nosebleed ticket

I have a better view from this barstool.