Some cranky old guy who wasnt getting served fast enough just asked me if i work here

Yep. In fact, if they would in fact let me drink and sit at the bar and dick around on my phone, I might just quit my current job.

But really, just what?

Dont bring your fucking < 6 month old infant to a smoky bar. I dont care if you and all your peeps are just here for lunch. Its unseemly.

FW is one of the last holdouts in TX for smoking in bars, but there are plenty of smoke-free options within a two block radius of this joint.

Or as Dave Barry said, childless people always think they have the best child-rearing advice. So what do I know? I will just sit over here and silently judge you.

I am putting down a good base of hard liquor before i go stand in the sun and drink keg beer for six hours

SOLID PLAN

Cool Mom Goes to Warped Tour

Is what I’m calling my current ensemble.

Also, I told dude on the phone “I look a little bit dykey today, don’t make fun of me when you get here.”

He does not appreciate my studded belt-and-leather cuffs past. They didn’t have punk rock in Montana. It scared the cows.

Yeah ok

Upon further review, my recently acquired shorts are COMICALLY large on me….except in the ass/hips. Like, the crotch is way droopy, and I can take them off without unbuttoning them. And of course I already took the tags off, but more importantly, I need something to wear. So I improvised. I rustled up my old studded belt, a black tank top, and my Chucks. HEY LOOK, IT’S ME CIRCA 2000-2004.

I don’t look as “old lady trying too hard and still shopping at Hot Topic” as it sounds, I promise. At least I hope not, but also, I don’t really care.

It’s just about beverage time, methinks.

Pants-related question for the ladies:

Especially ladies with ample booties:

Do you find that you have to buy shorts at LEAST two whole sizes bigger than what you wear in regular pants?? Or is this specific to me and my ample-booty-ness? Size is just a number etc etc, but come on. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a blow to the ego every time, and if I hadn’t avoided wearing shorts for this specific reason.

Alas, it’s hot as balls today, I’m attending an outdoor event, and it’s far too windy for any of the dresses/skirts I own. So, I procured some cheap (and apparently humongous) shorts. And they’re comfy. Voila?

Tags: pants booties

I just hung up curtains for the first time in my life

Adulting! Am I doing it right?

Trust me, it’s not that I’ve taken a sudden interest in home décor. I have however taken an interest in not receiving $200+ electric bills for the next five or so months. It’s going to be about 95 today. Spring in Texas is short-lived.

When (not if)

I win Powerball tonight, the first thing I’m doing is hiring a personal grocery shopper, because god DAMN I am sick of grocery shopping. I haven’t been to the store in like two weeks, and then I end up feeling guilty for eating terrible and expensive meals out all the time, and it’s just a vicious cycle.

Where are my Jetsons-style meal caplets??

Ft Worth Music Fest!

I wasn’t able to make it for last night’s bands, which is really too bad, because Old 97’s and Drive-By Truckers. I’m going today though, and the line-up is…..eclectic? There’s some twee-ass hipster rock (Air Review, The Walkmen, Delta Spirit, not my jam), LOTS of funk (Dirty Dozen Brass Band, Galactic, Ivan Neville’s Dumpstaphunk, which, great to dance to after a few $6 beers), but I’m most excited about The Sheepdogs (very Black Keys-esque) and believe it or not, Mariachi Quetzal. What? I like mariachi music. And tejano, cumbia, ranchera, you name it. I consider this a byproduct of spending my formative years in Texas.

This is basically my life.