I should mention that I have an $8 nosebleed ticket

I have a better view from this barstool.

I should probably walk to the stadium now but $3 drinks vs $10 drinks is a compelling argument

Today in THE WORST NEWS EVER

My office has blocked goddamn evvvvvverything on the interwebs. All my time waster sites. All Gawker, Awl, and even shit like Yelp and Orbitz. I guarantee that I had something to do with that.

And D is officially an Uber driver now

I am going to abuse the shit out of that once she’s staying with me. I’m not charging her rent, so I figure its fair! Of course, I’ll also just insist that she have drinks with me, so I probably need a plan B.

Due to a series of unfortunate events, I’m going to the Denver-Dallas game tonight by myself

At least until the 4th quarter or so. T had better pick me up! Right now I’m pregaming at a bar near the stadium, next to the drunkest cougars ever. (Or, y’know, just cougars.) Its barely 5 pm, ladies! I’m impressed!

So I got my hair cut today. Like, a lot.

I ended up with basically the same cut that icarntspell got. She just posted it and I cant link, but, you can work it out. Mine is actually way shorter than the pic I brought in, but it’s cute. The stylist insisted on straightening it to death, when I specifically showed her a beachy/wavy/tousled cut. She said she had to straighten it to get it just right and she just kept cutting. So. I will not be posting any pics until I style it the way I normally would. My hair has a ton of wave, and I don’t have that kind of time.

On the upside, she did adhere to my request to not put crazy layers in it, so I can still put it in a pony without a million bobby pins.

Also, seeing all my hair on the floor like that, it’s got way more of an auburn tint than I thought- no coloring. Huh.

This was my mom’s stylist who I have been to before, and when I told my mom it wasn’t exactly what I requested she immediately blamed me. “Well did you tell her what you wanted?” No! I just walked in and said “Cut my hair, just cut it!!” Seriously?

"I met some guys with a pair of llamas who said they were walking to Baja, but I kind of doubted they had the survival skills to make it."

— My friend Jason that I know from San Diego (he’s not FROM San Diego, but who is?) somehow came into some money (details are sketchy) and is just kind of bouncing around the country, I guess? This latest dispatch comes from Shasta, CA, where he was working on a farm, and he deemed the whole scene “too full of hippies”. What the fuck did you expect, man? Like, really. You’re in deep NoCal, ON A FARM (“farm”). Did you expect three piece suits and 8-5 jobs?

I think I’ve mentioned this but I’m still blown away that it isnt true

For literally the last 2-3 years I thought that Rack City by Tyga was a song about Indianapolis. It’s not! Not even close! Not sure where I got that from, but I kinda like rolling with my fake facts. Another fun one is, D’s dad says that “Italians love Christmas lights”. So if you see a house with lights up in July, they must be Italian. I guess? Based on that, I declared that Jews love Arbor Day. It’s a fun game! Make up your own holidays/songs/misconceptions!

D bought this giant Modelo at the bodega next to our hotel in Austin. She obviously didn’t drink it. Its kind of terrible.

D bought this giant Modelo at the bodega next to our hotel in Austin. She obviously didn’t drink it. Its kind of terrible.

Even the Republicans in this state are disavowing all knowledge